


"I did not sign up for this"

by griffle



Series: Listen, I can explain [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Aaron Burr is Done, Alex is a hot mess, Alternate History, Alternate Universe, Billy Tipton-Mentioned, College AU, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Historical, Historical References, Humor, James Madison is Also Done, Listen a lot more historical figures/musical figures are gonna show up, Midterm/Finals week craziness, Texting, college antics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 17:46:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14454528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/griffle/pseuds/griffle
Summary: It's a Hamilton Texting story/College AU of the Lives of Historical figures set at a fancy college.___________________________JM: Glad to know. That's fine. Thank you Aaron. Night.AB: It's one in the afternoon.________________________________In which Aaron becomes a babysitter.





	"I did not sign up for this"

**Author's Note:**

> JM: James Madison  
> AB: Aaron Burr  
> GL: Lafayette  
> TJ: Thomas Jefferson  
> AH: Alexander Hamilton  
> JL: John Laurens  
> HM: Hercules Mulligan  
> ES: Eliza Schyluer  
> AS: Angelica Schyluer  
> PS: Peggy Schyluer  
> MR: Maria Reynolds  
> TB: Theodosia Bartow  
> JB: John Barrett (See notes for details)

 

* * *

  
JM: Aaron  
  
AB: it's one in the morning  
  
JM: I am aware of that  
  
JM: I need a favor  
  
AB: oh god  
  
JM: So I need to leave next week for a family event and I won't be back until the week after I need you to watch Thomas  
  
AB: I  
  
AB: Please tell me you named a cat Thomas  
  
AB: Or have something alive that is also named Thomas  
  
JM: No  
  
AB: why  
  
JM: Because its Thomas  
  
AB: Yes but  
  
AB: 1. I'm currently working on a project with Alexander and I can handle him or Thomas but not both at the same time  
  
AB: And you probably want me to be there like 24/7 with Thomas  
  
AB: Speaking of which, Thomas Jefferson is an adult?  
  
JM: Where on earth did you hear that?  
  
AB: I. We're in college, James. And he's in a prestigious Law program I'm sure he can live without you for a week  
  
JM: Do you know where I am?  
  
AB: I. No?  
  
JM: physically, at the end of Thomas' bed because he went off and drank three bottles of wine and cried to sleep watching Golden Girls because "Layfayette is Prettier than me" and wanted to put African Bees in their dorm. I don't know Why African Bees but Thank God Amazon doesn't sell those.  
  
JM: Emotionally and Mentally? At the end of my rope  
  
JM: I wouldn't ask you this unless this is a dire situation and We Are In A Dire Situation Aaron Burr  
  
JM: I Do Not Want To Go On This Trip But I Cannot Go Against My Family And He Gets Worse  
  
JM: Sure, I can do it remotely but I can't handle him AND my family and then I snap at him by accident and then we have Sophomore Fall Semester Prank War on our hands  
  
JM: I texted him a curt reply and he lashed out an Alex and then it just snowballed because That's What They Do Damnit. All I'm asking is to let him text you and drag his ass to bed before dawn. He's usually good and he's swamped with projects too so he should be well behaved.  
  
JM: So just Make sure he eats, sleeps and doesn't antagonize anyone too greatly and not anyone who would gladly retaliate.  
  
AB: oh god  
  
AB: James. I  
  
JM: I will give you $240 dollars. Tax free.  
  
AB: I'll start as soon as you leave

* * *

  
???: Aaron  
  
AB: who's this sorry?  
  
???: John Laurens, Alex's roommate. Alex got me your phone number  
  
AB: Okay?  
  
???: I need a favor  
  
AB: Why  
  
JL: Nothing huge! Just  
  
JL: Can you kind of watch over Alex next week? Like Lowkey  
  
AB: Why?  
  
JL: Because it's been like the 6th time he fell asleep at the library and We are Concerned but this week and next week we all each have like 5 different projects and we know that you're working on one with Alex so????  
  
AB: I. What would you want me to do?? He doesn't listens to me  
  
JL: He does. Albeit in a strange reverse psych way  
  
JL: All I'm asking is to like remind him at night to go to bed. And ask if he's eating when you're doing your project- lowkey though.  
  
AB: I'm not sure if I'm the right person for the job  
  
JL: Please honestly I would but I'm swamped and hes good but he has 7 projects and 3 essays and we can only do emotional and mental support right now. I'll give you like a stipend for food/coffee for him  
  
AB: what type of stipend?  
  
JL: idk...$130?  
  
AB: Okay.

* * *

  
JB: Aaron  
  
AB: No  
  
AB: John I can't  
AB: Not you  
AB: Thomas I can handle  
AB: Alex I can handle  
AB: Both together maybe well see  
AB: But I can't with Barry, John you don't understand I can't handle James Barry not next week I just can't  
  
JB: I take it it's been a rough week?  
  
AB: What do you need John?  
  
JB: Right. Long story short I need to go to a family event for James' uncle and James has essays and work and I'm pretty caught up so I'm going in his place  
  
JB: Though we were both surprised when it turned out to be a 4 day thing  
  
JB: I'll be leaving Saturday and be back Tuesday  
  
AB: what would you like me to do?  
  
JB: Just relay the information if Florence and James get into a fight again that's all or if I need to post bail.  
  
JB: I'm not saying it will happen I'm just covering my bases, sorry about this.  
  
AB: John, I am more than willing to do this for you.  
  
AB: Yes that's fine.  
  
AB: Thank you  
  
JB: I take it James Madison and John Laurens are leaving their charges to you?  
  
AB: Why are they acting like they're leaving children  
  
AB: Madison texted me a list of foods?  
  
AB: And I'm going to pick up Thomas' "food card?" What?  
  
AB: Why does James Madison have a credit card for food. Why is Thomas Jefferson so goddamn picky I'm reading this list and I can't believe he made it to adulthood.  
  
JB: Ah the magic of being rich  
  
AB: Suddenly I know why Madison looks so tired and done with the world all the time.  
  
JB: Ouch. Luckily James is heavily self sufficient without me and I got Billy as an alarm so that's it with my favor  
  
AB: Billy?  
  
JB: Yes  
  
AB: as in Billy Tipton? I thought they hated each other  
  
JB: Oh James think he's annoying, which is why he wakes up as soon as Billy enters the house. It's somewhat hilarious, he almost has a seventh sense for him.  
  
JB: Billy is just easily amused and poor enough to be willing for $70 dollars to annoy James into waking up and eating  
  
AB: huh.  
  
JB: It's fine I do it all the time and he can cook for himself pretty well  
  
JB: We switch off most nights depending  
  
AB: John. Are you two dating or?  
  
JB: I'm just a better caretaker than Madison or Laurens and raised my friend correctly

AB: I. Okay.

JB: Cheers. Thank you again for this  
  
AB: You're welcome  


* * *

  
  
AB: Kill me  
  
AS: Why  
  
TB: where they at baby I'll kill them  
  
MR: Ill get the bleach  
  
ES: I'll start the car  
  
PS: And I'll start compiling matching air tight alibis  
  
MR: #murdergoals  
  
TB: seriously though what happened Aaron?  
  
AB: Madison left for the week  
  
ES: Oh no  
  
AB: the revolution crew are swamped with projects  
  
AB: And I'm working on a project myself with Hamilton  
  
ES: o h N O  
  
AS: HA  
  
TB: o m g  
  
MR: Rip Aaron  
  
PS: please explain to the sister still living upstate New York.  
  
ES: Remember when we were young and we accidentally put flour in the bonfire?  
  
AS: That's Hamilton and Jefferson as an analogy.  
  
PS: o h h n o  
  
AB: I'm babysitting them  
  
AB: I am babysitting two grown men because they can't be goddamn adults and take care of themselves and the people who do decided that I'm the best substitute AND somehow the professors decided THIS week is a great week for getting killed by homework  
  
AS: I'm done with all of mine.  
  
ES: Same  
  
TB: What! How??????  
  
ES: they were on the syllabus? So we got a head start??  
  
AB: I don't need this  
  
AS: Not our fault you didn't read, Burr.  
  
AB: No I  
  
AB: I'm working with Hamilton and making sure that he doesn't die because it's been the 6th time this month he slept in the library and he looks like he crawled from the grave but he's still so energetic what is this  
  
AB: I don't think he's showered in a while  
  
AS: Ew  
  
TB: ew  
  
ES: ew  
  
PS: ew  
  
MR: ew  
  
AB: he smelled like old books, coffee, and sweat  
  
AB: but Jefferson is texting me wanting to come over so Imm trying to figure out a why to say no without giving a reason  
  
AS: Because Jefferson would come over and start something.  
  
AB: Yes  
  
AB: Help me  
  
AS: How far along are you? Project wise.  
  
AB: checking  
  
AB: actually we’re almost done Alex isn’t as uncooperative as usual.  
  
AS: Hm.  
  
ES: I would say ride this out Aaron  
  
MR: rt  
  
PS: rt  
  
AS: That doesn't work in texting.  
  
MR: shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
  
AS: Smh  
  
AB: Jefferson wants me to buy him a onesie???????  
  
AB: I said no and he called me something in french  
  
AB: Now he wants ME to give him his card so he can buy it himself  
  
AB: I don't have that, all I have is this disposable credit card that Madison gave me for his food  
  
AB: He stopped texting and I Am Concerned  
  
AB: Hamilton isn't speaking english anymore just a mix of spanish and french help me  
  
MR: rip aaron  
  
ES: rt  
  
PS: rt  
  
AS: Same  
  
AB: Theo  
  
TB: sorry i have to work with flo im sorry ily  
  
AB: betrayed  


* * *

  
AB: when do you arrive back  
  
JM: Sunday. 12:30pm  
  
AB: thank you  
  
AB: Jefferson doesn't believe me  
  
JM: I'll call him  
  
AB: He's demanding to see my pahagsjoWHEN TF ARE YOU COMING HOME  
  
JM: 12:30pm Sunday  
  
AB: WHERE  
  
JM: train station nearby  
  
AB: WHY BURR TF????????!!  
  
JM: Because you like him to an extent   
  
AB: I  
  
AB: yeah that true  
  
AB: This is Aaron Burr  
  
JM: Is he ok?  
  
AB: He ran into my dorm and lunged for my phone and now he's looking at his own phone  
  
JM: Yeah mine is blowing up I have to go, I'll be at the Train Station 12:30pm Sunday  
  
AB: okay  


* * *

  
  
AB: Hamilton  
  
AB: where are you?  
  
AH: not sure  
  
AB:?  
  
AH: I can still read and write  
  
AH: but most of the world is a weird swirl wow thats trippy  
  
AH: I thinkk?  
  
AH: Library rooftop?  
  
AB: I'm coming  
  
AB: Please stay still I will get you down just  
  
AB: stay where you are  
  
AH: lol

* * *

  
  
JB: When you text Madison again, let him know that John Barrett said "No worries"  
  
JB: He'll understand  
  
AB: Ok? Wait you're back?  
  
JB: Ended up being shorter than expected. How are you holding up?  
  
AB: I'm not  
  
JB: Yikes. Well, due to circumstances, I have a lot of juice packs  
  
JB: Or, well, Juice boxes  
  
JB: I have 3 cases of apple, grape and something called "white cranberry." And Graham cracker bears if you want to come over for some child snacks as a way to remember your youth.  
  
AB: I'll take them all  
  
JB: Really?  
  
AB: John, you just gave me an idea that Just Might Work.

* * *

  
JM: So I come home, not to Thomas bombarding me at the train station but him at the dorm quietly sipping on a juice box and with an entire crate just filled with "white cranberry" juice boxes and Teddy Grahams.  
  
JM: He's lying on his bed just drinking juice and eating graham cracker bears. Completely calm. I don’t know why. I don’t know how.  
  
JM: I can't believe I hadn't thought of it before. I can't believe that worked. Thank you Aaron.  
  
AB: You're welcome.  
  
JM: Money will be given to you tomorrow at 11:47am. I trust he also didn't purchase anything while I was away?  
  
AB: No. Also John Barrett says "No worries?"  
  
JM: Glad to know. That's fine. Thank you Aaron. Night.  
  
AB: It's one in the afternoon.  


* * *

  
JL: Holy FUCK thank you for the juice boxes how did you get so  
Many??????  
  
AB: John Barrett  
  
JL: Oohhhh.  
  
AB: Yeah.  
  
JL: Also- I don't know what voodoo you did but Alex is looking a lot better and semi well rested and he actually took a shower this morning after sleeping in his bed. I'll give you the money sometime after class on Tuesday??  
  
AB: That's fine.  
  
JL: Alex said to ask you if you want to be part of the juice party with us  
  
AB: I. Why isn't he texting me?  
  
JL: Oh we took his phone away as an intervention. Now we're having a Snack Party.  
  
AB: Thank you but pass  
  
JL: No worries. See you  
  
AB: Goodbye Laurens  


* * *

  
  
AH: You really didn't have to do that  
  
AB: How did you get your phone back?  
  
AH: You- why is it that your first response is a question?  
  
AB: I think it's a perfectly reasonable response. Last time I heard, the "Revolutionary Crew" took away your phone.  
  
AH: I stole it while Laf wasn't looking and I'm hiding under a table LiSTEN  
  
AH: I knew about Jefferson  
AH: And what John said to you. So.  
AH. Thanks  
  
AB: I.  
AB: You knew about Jefferson?  
  
AH: How couldn't I? The man wouldn't shut up- plus he kept bothering me during class.  
  
AB: But why didn't you- well  
  
AH: Act like me  
  
AB: I never said that  
  
AH: You Implicated It. I didn't because I also knew who was his substitute handler  
  
AH: Also: James Madison hit man y/n  
  
AB: You. That's why you agreed to so much with me. You knew I was handling Jefferson and you- took care of yourself.  
  
AH: Not EVERYTHING. And besides you're like my best friend or frienemy or smth idk idk.  
  
AB: Thank you Alex  
  
AH: You're welcome Burr.  
  
AH: But seriously Hit man Madison y/n  
  
AB: No comment  
  
AH: Goddamnit Burr  


* * *

  
  
AB: Holy shit I think I helped Alexander?  
AB: Become a semi-adult?  
  
JB: See, you're learning.  


* * *

  


**Author's Note:**

> ——-
> 
> John Barrett is based on the servant/slave of James Barry, who is considered the first transgender man who was a surgeon in the British Army around the late 1700s, early 1800s. He was known for improving the medical conditions for wounded soldiers, his feud with Florence Nightingale, performed one of the first successful Caesarian Sections, and being demoted and promoted several times in the army because he would just up and leave. Barrytown in South Africa is named after time because of his efforts there.
> 
> John was again, a servant/slave, and while historical John had no surname, this one does because it’s 2017 and he's not a slave. Ergo, Barrett.
> 
> Also both are British.
> 
> Wiki page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Barry_(surgeon)


End file.
